Giving Thanks in Turbulent Times

A few quick thoughts about Thanksgiving 2008.

The past week is a case-study in contradictions. There was another huge terrorist attack, in what may have seemed like an unlikely place. Family members were forced to reassess their travel plans when protestors shut their final destination down. And I meanwhile, in a different world, I discovered, that of all things, there are wineries in Nebraska.

1) India:

That this happened this week should really come as no surprise. Islamist militancy has long looked for weaknesses when planning their attacks, and last week's attacks throughout Mumbai were proof that there will always be vunerable targets.

It serves us well to remember that India itself was carved out as a Hindu homeland, with the majority muslim areas spun off into Pakistan and, eventually, Bangladesh. While we may yet find that these horrible attacks were connected to the regional tinder box that is Pakistan, you cannot ignore that just as we learned in Oklahoma City, sometimes your own worst enemy can be your neighbor.

There was a time when I could very well have been in a lobby like the Taj Hotel's, with family worried sick the moment they heard gunmen were looking for people with American passports.

My thoughts are with the families around the world who lost nights of sleep worried about their loved ones this week, and, in particular, with those whose worst nightmares came to pass.

2) Thailand:

Usually when news of social unrest in a foreign land hits, you note it with a distant eye, hoping a country finds its way somehow.

I say that with the perspective of having once been barricaded inside a hotel watching the city around me go up in flames. The power of ordinary people to bring a nation to its knees is impressive.

With Bangkok now shut off from the world, it turned into a much more personal story this week as I realized that I had family in the region, expecting to land back in Thailand shortly after anti-government demonstrators shut down the nation's main airports.

Luckily they were still in Cambodia and able to rearrange their travel plans home. Their suicases weren't so lucky. They are still sitting hostage in a kept-baggage closet at their hotel in Bangkok.

I'm thankful that my family is home safely, now.

3) Nebraska

The Thanksgiving holiday, this year, was spent with family, as we're supposed to.

And while the incidents in Mumbai and Thailand were clearly in my head all weekend, I couldn't help but note that they seemed a world away from the old fraternal order club where we shot some pool, the lake on the side of a highway where we had turkey and homemade apple pie or the odd little winery on the hill overlooking some dams.

While our world is ever shrinking in this unsteady era of terrorism, upheaval and economic wariness, I was struck by the resiliency of family and community in the smaller world that is Nebraska.

I was jarred one night watching the local Grand Island news that they didn't even bother to mention the attacks in Mumbai, while the national news networks were on the story 24/7. It proves the point that sometimes what's local doesn't reflect what's going on around the world, and that's comforting, in it's own way.

My own personal world view definitely found contrast this past week with a world in which hunting season was a bigger topic of conversation. And in a week full of bad news, on top of the economic mess we're muddling through, it was nice to be easily distracted by the small things that really matter.

Thank you to everyone in Nebraska for welcoming me so warmly as always. I love you all very much.

As this Thanksgiving weekend draws to a close, I give thanks for all of my friends and family here in Colorado, across the United States and around the world. I am thankful for having you all in my life.

The Tenth Yahrzeit

Ten years ago I stood in a dreary suburban cemetary, surrounded by many, many people watching a tastefully ornate casket being lowered into the ground and covered with shovels of dirt.

It has now been a decade since I bid farewell to my mother.

Lighting my memorial candle tonight, I ouldn't help but think of the many things that have changed in the decade since she passed away.

I settled down and laid some roots again. I found someone whom I hope to share the rest of my life with. There have been some failed endeavours, and some successful ones. Our family has grown and evolved. And this year we struggled again with cancer's inopportune visits.

That, and so much more that has happened. While everyone else always focuses on my mother's strength and leadership for me it's much more subtle and simple: There is nothing I wouldn't give to have her back again, if only to let her know I have not wavered in keeping my final promise to her:

That we would all be alright without her. Vamos a estar bien.

In the Jewish calendar, today is the 30th of Tishrei. Tomorrow morning I will go, as I do every year, to synagogue searching for my mother's eternal optimism as I pay my respects and honor her memory.

It doesn't get any easier. You just rather get used to it, as the memories, sadly, grow more fleeting.

Te extraño mucho.

Hospitals

I think I've had more than my share this year of seeing family members hooked up to an IV and a beeping monitor.

Very thankfully, today's little adventure was little more than a scare.

But the rest of you, let's hold off on the visitation hours, ok?

Going Big Red

This city slicker ended up in Nebraska for the Fourth of July weekend, and in case it wasn't clear, it's a very different world out there in Big Red country.

That said, the family we hung out with was, as usual, fantastic to spend time with.

Special props to the younger cousins who humored me while I vaguely attempted to fish off of a pontoon. I did manage to hook a pair of bass. Maybe next time I'll actually dare touch one, let alone pry it off the hook with some pliers!

Coming from the land of eternal dryness, it's amazing to drive up into the Platte River valley along I-80 and suddenly be surrounded by lush farmlands as far as the eye can see. As yellowed as Eastern Colorado can be, Nebraska was blanketed in endless shades of corn husk green.

This abundant humidity also allows for an Independence Day with a little more firepower. Clearly fireworks are highly encouraged, and practically a full-contact neighborhood sport. We wandered over to a neighborhood by the Grand Island racetrack where we settled into some burgers and beers waiting for the 10 PM fireworks extravaganza. By 8 PM the neighborhood was exploding already in serious firecracker competition. Never in my life have I seen the thousands of full-force fireworks exploding from every house. Sure, they paused briefly for the big show, only to do their best to show it up afterwards with their biggest boomers (allegedly from Missouri, where everything is legal). They were still going strong when we escaped back to our hotel around midnight.

Stagnant economy? Tell that to the Midwestern fireworks vendors who made off like bandits this year!

Leave it to mother nature to trump the explosives, though.

As dusk settled in the next evening and the bonfire lit up the lakefront where we were hanging out, I saw a different display of natural light that was nothing short of breathtaking. On cue, the trees and grasses around the lake suddenly flickered with hundreds of fireflies dancing in the night.

It may have lacked the firepower of the night before, but their glow in the moonlight is something I will never forget. The city slicker was thoroughly charmed by the countryside.

The warm Nebraskan welcome we were given all weekend, reminded me yet again how lucky I am for having such an amazing, crazy family today.

Whether here at home, across the United States or around the world, I am very lucky to have all of you in my life.

I love you all very much.

DT in the City

As many of you know my sister is bravely squaring away against the BIG C these days.

Riding an up-and-down-rollercoaster-of-a-ride she didn't really sign up for, she has come to the conclusion that there is much, much, she can share with the world.

So for those of you who have been asking how she's holding up, I can't think of a better way to answer than to just point you eastward towards the big city.

More specifically: DT in the City

Some astute readers may have already noticed this show up over on the RandomTope Links over there on the right. It's where you can find her blog, and others I like, whenever you want.

Proudly.

It's that time of year again here in Colorado, when the rainbow flags come out and I am supposed to be proud.

While it was affirming to me at one point to make it down to the thump-thump madness downtown here at Civic Center, I'm finding myself having similar thoughts about Pridefest this year as I do with, let's say, Valentine's Day.

Just as I loathe having to feel romantic on a set day each year, I find it odd that I have to be openly proud of myself just on a set day in June. It feels forced wishing random acquaintances a "happy gay day" at a generally tragic parade.

Don't get me wrong, I do think Pride celebrations as a whole do still serve an important role, mainly for people who are struggling with their own identities to see that there are many, many other people like them out there.

That is more important now perhaps than the stated of goals of broader community awareness of the gay community. Yes, there are still important political battles ahead, but winning over people's minds usually does not include shocking them into submission with the inevitable drag queens and leather chaps.

Let's just put it this way:

I am proud of who I am and the life I have.

I am proud of my partner of five years, whom I love very much.

I am proud to live my life openly and normally.

I am proud to be part of such amazing families, who love us both unequivocally.

I am proud of my friends, near-and-far, who have supported me through many things in my life.

I am proud of how far our nation has come culturally, despite the best efforts of those who would deny me rights my partner and I deserve.

I am proud of those who publicly take the risk to really stand up for who they are.

I am proud of all these things, every day. I am your friend, I am your neighbor, I am your fellow countryman.

So tomorrow, when I hang out with a small group of friends away from the ridiculous lines at the bars and the festival downtown, I'll be doing what I do all year long:

I'll be proud of exactly who I am -- and thankful.

The Battle Ahead

There are few things that strike fear in my family more than cancer.

We have an unfortuate history with the disease.

It is under that shadow that we rallied around my sister this past week, nervously awaiting news we did not want to hear:

My sister has breast cancer.

There are few things as difficult or unfair as watching your sister, a healthy young woman, come to grips with this awful disease. To say it was an emotional roller-coaster of a week in New York City would be an understatement.

It was also a week full of hope.

My sister is blessed with a genuinely caring and amazing group of friends and family that are rising to the challenge at hand. She is also in the competent hands of a top-notch medical team that is forging ahead intelligently, choosing the proper plan of attack.

The path ahead may be a difficult one, but I have little doubt this will be a good fight. I love my sister dearly and while my heart broke often in New York, there was so much strength to be drawn from the whole experience.

She is strong, focused and has every reason to persevere through this.

I know I speak for my entire family in thanking everyone for their thoughts and support this past week.

The battle is on. My sister will persevere.

Thanksgiving metropolis postcript

New York City, over Thanksgiving, is chaotic.

But then again, when is it not?

The city thrives and depends on chaos. It breeds vitality.

For those of you I neglected to warn, it would have been pointless between all the Thanksgiving and wedding events we hopped to and from.

Mazel Tov to my cousin and his new wife! It was a gorgeous, intimate ceremony. I am glad I was included.

My sister deserves some congratulations, as well, for pulling off a turkey smorgasbord with aplomb in the confines of a tight New York apartment.

We did manage to sneak away here and there for some exploration. As always, New York had plenty of pleasant surprises for us.

Keep an eye out here for highlights including a couple neat exhibits and and some unique shopping.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving with your friends and families.

I know I am thankful everyday for mine, and am lucky to have you all in my life.